Where does self-care end and self-sabotage begin? Do you personally distinguish between the two?

You might find it preposterous to suggest this, but over the years, I've noticed a fine line between those two concepts. It can sometimes be very hard to define.

It's hard because in today's busy world it's so easy to overdo things, to push ourselves too far, too much, too hard. And then we drop and we need to first patch ourselves up, and give ourselves time and space to recover, before we engage again.

And it's so important to do this.

HOWEVER, have you experienced that when you wanted to do something that was really important to you, and perhaps for that very reason also a bit scary, that you kept feeling tired or "out of spirit"? Things would come up that would blindside you, and completely take over, and it would take you days, if not weeks, to "work through it" and yet at the end of it you still feel you're in the middle of the process? Your body might "co-operate" too, and give you a cold, an ache, or other ailments to focus on (instead of your big "scary" dream)?

But, when does it end? Or perhaps the better question is - does it ever end?

Does it even need to end, before we can continue on our path, bravely?

I have a lot of respect for my key needs, and for self-care as an ongoing practice.

I also honour the core vulnerability that is an integral part of each of us, the part that gets scared and easily hurt, sometimes also called the inner child. I do believe it needs to be tended to and kept safe.

On the other hand, when disproportionate care for our vulnerable part takes the reins of our life, this is often to the detriment of our dreams and aspirations.

I have found that the more I let my insecurities (fears, doubts) take charge, the more they will.

So just to be clear - I trust that those parts of me that want to keep me away from bold (=scary) actions are doing so in full faith that they're helping me. But they don't have the full picture. If I (in my aware centre) don't take the reins of my life, those parts will pick up where I left off.

But if I DECIDE to consciously claim my power, they will calm down and give me the reins.

In my experience, it's important to take time to recover from exertion, but it's often detrimental to take much longer than needed, because then that's a signal to my subconscious that I can't handle my life, that I don't want to be in control. And I give my power away, effectively descending into procrastination.

And then if I think of my dreams and goals, they seem out of reach - but that's precisely because I'm not connected to my power. (I've given it away to the insecure parts of me and they're running the show, away from where my brave self wants to go!).

One thing I know is that our subconscious mind is very good at deceiving us, and since its purpose is to keep us safe it will keep us away from anything that it perceives as potentially dangerous or painful. That often means away from growth opportunities (which our dreams really are).

Our job is to make those growth opportunities appear less scary, so that our subconscious supports us on our growth journey.

Think how you can re-frame those actions on the way to your dreams and goals to make them more doable and exciting, rather than terrifying?

Can you think of them as experiments, rather than a once in a lifetime thing?

Can you put on a frame of curiosity, instead of having to know it all before you begin?

In this case, if an experiment works out, yay! And if something you experiment with doesn't go to plan, you just dust yourself off and move on to the next experiment. Nothing personal. 

The key is to have your curiosity pull you forward, rather than your fears hold you back.

I wonder what your experience has been? Have you ever found self-sabotage masquerading as self-care? How do you distinguish between the two? And how do you walk that fine line in between?

I believe that getting clear and putting this distinction into practice is massively helpful in creating a more fulfilling life.

I've become quite the expert at seeing through self-sabotage.

If you'd like 1:1 time with me to help you see through your own self-sabotaging patterns, email me HERE or book a call with me below to see which of my offerings would be most suitable.