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SEEING THROUGH SELF-SABOTAGE

Where does self-care end and self-sabotage begin? Do you personally distinguish between the two? You might find it preposterous to suggest this, but over the years, I've certainly noticed a fine line between those two concepts. And it can sometimes be very hard to define, at least for me.

It's hard because in today's busy world it's so easy to overdo things, to push ourselves too far, too much, too hard. And then we drop and we need to first patch ourselves up, tend to our wounds, and give ourselves time and space to recover, before we engage again.

HOWEVER, have you experienced that when you wanted to do something that was really important to you, and perhaps for that very reason also a bit scary, that you kept feeling "out of spirit", or fears would come up that would blindside you, and completely take over, and it would take you weeks, if not months, to "work through it" and yet at the end of it you still felt you were in the middle of the process? Your body might "co-operate" too, and give you a cold, or a flu, or other ailments to focus on (instead of your big "scary" dream)?

Well, when does it end? Or perhaps the better question is - does it *ever* end?

Is it even supposed to end, before we can continue on our path, bravely?

I have a lot of respect for my core vulnerability, I believe we're all vulnerable at our core, it's called the Inner Child, and I do think it needs to be tended to and kept safe. However, if all our attention is consumed by keeping the vulnerable part of us safe, we're letting it take the reigns of our life, often to the detriment of our dreams and aspirations.

I have found that the more I let my insecurities (fears, doubts) take charge, the more they will. Because that's a sign to my subconscious that I refuse to own my power. So those parts of me that want to keep me away from bold (again, scary) actions are doing so in full faith that they're helping me. If I (the Aware me, the conscious creator) cannot take the reigns of my life, those parts will pick up where I left off.

But if I DECIDE to consciously claim my power, then they will give way.

In my experience, whilst it's important to take time to recover from exertion, it's often detrimental to take any longer than needed, because then that's a signal to my selves that I can't take it, that I don't want to be in control. And I give my power away. And then when I think of my dreams and goals, they seem out of reach - precisely because I'm not connected to my power. I've given it away to the insecure parts of me and they're running the show (away from my dreams and goals!).

I wonder what your experience has been? Have you ever found self-sabotage masquerading as self-care? How do you distinguish between the two? And how do you walk that fine line in between ...?

One thing I know is that our subconscious mind is very good at deceiving us, and since its purpose is to keep us safe it will keep us away from anything that it perceives as potentially dangerous or painful. That often means away from growth opportunities (which our dreams really are).

Our job is to make those growth opportunities appear less scary, so that our subconscious mind supports us on our growth journey. Think how you can re-frame those opportunities (actions on the way to your dreams and goals) to make them more doable and exciting, rather than terrifying?

Can you think of them as experiments, rather than a once in a lifetime thing?

Can you put on a frame of curiosity, instead of having to know it all before you begin?

In this case, if something you do/experiment with doesn't go to plan, you can dust yourself off and move on to the next experiment. And you can have your curiosity pull you forward! Rather than have your fears hold you back.

I believe that getting clear and putting this distinction into practice is a big step on the way of self-development and creating a more fulfilling life.

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments (or in a message)!

Mojca x

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