It’s that time of year again when reflection seems natural to most of us. Are you doing any sort of review and refocus?
I change it up a bit each year, but it always happens. In my reflection this year, I simply looked back on the 12 months and asked myself "What really stands out to me as important, or a new realisation, this year?"
8 key learnings came up, and I wanted to share them with you (in no particular order) in the hope that they inspire you.
- Practising unconditional self-kindness.
This has been a revelation and has done a lot to quieten the voice of my inner critic. I’ve known the benefits of self-love and self-compassion for a long time, and felt I was solid on that front. But at the end of last year, I noticed how much my inner critic has crept back in.
So in January this year I’ve committed to practise unconditional self-kindness, without exceptions. Intending to do my best of course, not to do it perfectly. The aim was kindness even if things were going wrong, or if I made mistakes, or let myself down in some way.
This has been like a soothing balm on my soul, it has deepened my intuition, and has taken my relationship with myself to a new level of friendship. Because if we aren’t friends to ourselves, what are we? How can we enjoy life to the fullest if we criticise and berate ourselves (often without even noticing)?
- Listening to my body and following its needs.
Even when these are different from what I’m used to (extra sleep, less sugar, or more protein, for instance). We change through the seasons, and our bodies do as well. Respecting and taking good care of them is essential at each stage of life if we are to enjoy our experience of being alive.
- Trusting my own wisdom before asking for external inputs.
It’s crucial to ask for feedback and learn from others, of course, but this shouldn’t replace our own inner sense of what is right for us. Nobody knows us as well as we know ourselves, and I’m convinced we each have an internal guidance system (which we can strengthen with a specific focus) that will never lead us astray. This gives me a sense of safety and the ability to make decisions even when things get derailed or evolve in unexpected ways. It’s a prerequisite for grounded confidence.
Having said that, I also believe that our desire for confidence shouldn’t get in the way of the truth. Which is to say, we mustn’t be complacent about our beliefs and opinions. It’s OK to not know or not always be right, in fact it's inevitable if we strive for truth. I believe we always need to be confronting our opinions and beliefs with opposite arguments, to examine them and either strengthen our point of view, or if convinced otherwise, appropriately update it. What I advocate is seeking balance and wisdom within this somewhat of a labyrinth of potential truths and paths forward. Not saying it’s easy, but our connection to our inner guidance and reliable external sources is definitely helpful.
- Saying "No" to what isn't joyful.
This is part of listening to inner wisdom and guidance. Because it will always steer us towards the most meaningful path for us. And for me, that path is certainly joyful. Not always easy or carefree, but joy is an essential ingredient in knowing I'm on the right path. This year more than any, I've realised that saying "no" to what is not joyful for me, frees me up to all the things that do bring me joy. It's essential that I engage in those things in order to keep my energy flowing and be available to life at full capacity.
What isn't joyful, or cannot be reframed or tweaked in that direction, saps my life juice too much to be worth it. A balance is important here too, and the long view. Sometimes we're stuck in a joy-less situation, but is there a way we can make it more tolerable for now, and is there an end point to it? If not, make sure you put an end point in sight, and create oases of joy, or infuse your life with joy in adjacent areas to the one that's been challenging.
- Seeking and accepting support where needed.
Not asking for support and expecting everything of myself is a pattern I’ve been unlearning this year. We’re not meant to do things in isolation, so if you identify as someone who has a hard time asking, challenge yourself and start asking and accepting offered help in small, then bigger, ways. It’s like training a muscle; it does get easier, and it feels wonderfully empowering to be supported. This is not to be mistaken with asking others’ advice whilst ignoring your own inner wisdom.
- Body and mind are not just connected - they’re one integrated system.
If there’s an imbalance in the mind, there’s certainly a parallel in the body. Equally, if there’s an imbalance in the body, it will, sooner or later, show up in our mental and emotional state. One aspect of this is when we’re emotionally stressed, and our muscles tighten up. If we don’t release that physical tension, it then prevents us from relaxing mentally - for instance, preventing us from falling asleep and staying asleep easily.
This awareness landed for me in the spring, on a one-day meditation immersion, which has transformed my sleep quality instantly. It has led me to take better care of my body (although I’d always been health aware, I now focus even more on plant-based nutrition, movement, herbal support, and most of all physical and mental relaxation practices). All this has shown up in many improvements - first as better sleep quality, then as a more balanced and happy mind, and energy as the year progressed.
- Paying close attention to my inner process reaps exponential benefits in unhooking from limiting patterns.
Awareness is the first step to change, so if something is bothering us and we don’t know how to change it, resorting to daily journaling and stillness (meditation or otherwise) can be a game-changer. This puts us in touch with what’s going on inside, and the roots of an issue eventually poke through to the surface. Then we have a choice in how to respond and resolve it. Besides journalling, coaching or therapy (depending on what you wish to deal with) are wonderful in this process too.
- At its core, life is a good feeling.
This may be the most profound one. Just as the sky is always blue behind the clouds, there is always a good feeling at the core of our being alive. No matter what’s going on on the surface and how far the good feelings seem to be, when we strip away all the superfluous thinking, judging, and resisting what is, when we get in touch with the animating life force within us, it invariably feels good, like a warm hug or a burst of joy. It’s at the core of each of us; remember this when you next find yourself in a challenging spot. Of course, it helps if we know how to access it. Focusing on what you love can help - activities, things, places, or beings. 💛
There were many more things I’ve gained a new awareness around this year, but these rose to the surface when I did my reflection. I hope they inspire you to find your own insightful learnings from the past year! If you feel inclined to share, I’d love to hear some of them.
Wishing you a wonderful festive season 🎄✨
Mojca