My older brother posted a tagline on his Skype account many years back:
"Be yourself even if it kills you."
I loved that message. And I thought about it a great deal.
It speaks of the level of commitment it takes to live an authentic life. To be yourself no matter what. And I think that even if you're not yet 100% sure who that is, you can follow your inner wisdom, and keep exploring and discovering your true, whole self.
I spent some time thinking about the "even if it kills you" bit and concluded that it is a necessary part, to show just how committed you need to be.
Because when you embark on the path of being fully and unapologetically yourself, a part of you will feel like this is the end. Intense terror of what might happen if you let your true self take the lead, of how others will see you, and that nobody will understand or relate to you. This would be a symbolic death in the eyes of that fearful part of you.
But if you look closer, the only one dying would be that self-doubting part of you.
Or, as it's called, the operating ego* which is busy worrying what judgements are being made about you, and what can it stop you from doing so you could be kept safe, protected, cocooned, and at the same time inevitably closed off, controlled, and kept down.
I know that there's a genuine purpose to your fearful self, it has a desire to keep you safe. But this desire turns sour when it tries to achieve that by keeping you down, keeping you small, going against your nature of growing, evolving, and expanding your experience of life in every moment. This is what you were born to do.
Fear can try and keep you small...but you will feel it. It will feel stifling and oppressive, stuckness and blocks of all sorts will show up. You will feel it clearly in the areas of your life that won't work.
But that's not the only way. That's only one option, an almost knee-jerk reaction to the challenge of growing into our magnificent selves that we were always meant to be.
Yes, fear is there, but it is YOU who gives it the keys to your car, and lets it sit at the wheel.
The choice is always yours.
Like my brother, I make it my mission to "be myself even if it kills me". Because I am willing to kill the part of me that would hold me back from the best version of myself. But even more, I am willing for it to transform. I'm willing to take such good care of myself that it can relax and let go of the grip over my life, to keep doing its job and keep me safe when it has to, but at the same time let me LIVE audaciously.
I am willing to be courageous and let us co-exist. Whilst I am the one in the driver's seat. ;)
Where in your life have you found that you could be MORE YOURSELF? What areas feel lacklustre and in need of some re-calibrating, getting back on track with your purpose?
Tell me in the comments, and let's start this important conversation!
P.S. But even if you don't comment and just answer the question for yourself, it will still be valuable. You'll get clarity on what to focus on so you can make your life more meaningful and purposeful for you.
*Operating ego is a concept from Voice Dialogue that refers to a part of us representing only a limited view, knowledge and experience and does not represent our whole self (i.e. our Aware Ego process). It is a part of you that only knows one way of how to be, and it tends to take over at certain times (like when you're experiencing strong emotions), and in those moments you feel at the effect of it, not aware nor in control of it. There are many parts in each one of us and the one that's operating at any one time is the operating ego.
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